What Adult Children of Divorce Want You to Know with Lesa Ferguson and Donna Fletcher
- Josephti Cruz
- Aug 21
- 2 min read
Being part of this conversation brought up a lot. In this episode, I sat down with Lesa and Donna to talk about what it was like growing up as children of divorce. All three of us had very different stories, but so many of the feelings we carried—confusion, fear, the pressure to hold things together—felt deeply familiar. We reflected on how those early experiences shaped not only our relationships with our parents, but also the way we approach our own families now.
Lesa shared what it was like being 12 when her parents separated. She stepped into a protective role for her younger brothers, and to this day, she remembers them gripping the back of her shirt saying, “We go where Lesa goes.” That visual stayed with me. Donna talked about leaving the Philippines with her mom, expecting the rest of the family to follow. That reunion never happened the way she was told it would. As for me, I was four when my parents split, and my memories are full of arguments behind closed doors and waking up in the night to shouting. My dad disappeared from my life for over 30 years.
What stood out in all of our stories was the lack of clarity. No one explained what was happening. No one asked how we felt. And I think, in the absence of real answers, we tried to make sense of it on our own. That confusion followed us into adulthood. Some of us struggled with trust. Some of us hesitated to start families of our own. But at the heart of it all was this desire not to repeat what we lived through.
What I hope listeners take away from this episode is that children don’t need a perfect divorce. They need presence. They need communication that’s age-appropriate, honest, and consistent. They need to feel like they’re not being left behind or left out. We can’t erase pain, but we can show up differently. We can break cycles. And by talking about these experiences openly, we create space for others to do the same.
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